Update

I had a biopsy done on Thursday on what I know refer to as Lumpy.  It was a most unpleasant experience.

Two weeks ago, I had an appointment with my Endocrinologist's nurse practitioner.  While there, I pointed Lumpy out to her.  She was quite concerned about its size and consistency.  So she toted me off the ultrasound room and asked the Doctor himself to take a look at it.  He didn't like the look of it either and decided I needed a biopsy.  But first he wanted me to take a week's worth of antibiotics.

So I did and returned a week later.  Now I have had a biopsy on my neck before.  As previously mentioned, I have hypothyroidism.  As a result of this, I developed nodules on my thyroid that had to be biopsied by this same doctor.  And so I knew when he started pointing that needle at the wrong spot in my neck (at my thyroid) that it was possible he had forgotten the real reason for my biopsy was Lumpy.

I asked him and he didn't answer.  Really???  You have a biopsy needle needlessly aimed at the wrong area of my neck and I am suppose to just lay there and take it?  Guess so.  So I let him biopsy both sides of my thyroid and then he moved onto Lumpy.  Oh, did I forget to mention that my doctor doesn't do any numbing?  Oh.Dear.Sweet.Jesus.  It was painful.  I couldn't move my neck afterwards.  Ugh.  He normally has such a good bedside manner so this experience was very disappointing.

He never did explain why he biopsied my thyroid too.  Did he see something that concerned him when he looked at it with the ultrasound?  Did he want to make sure that if Lumpy is cancer that it didn't spread to my thyroid?  Was it just time for an annual biopsy on my nodule and no one told me?

Anyway, since then, Lumpy has been very mad.  He has grown so that anyone can tell he is there.  He has grown so much, that I physically can not move my neck completely and a constant pain shoots up my neck in the base of my brain giving me a migraine and also down my neck giving me pain in my upper back.

Of course, being an impatient internet junkie, I have been researching swollen lymph nodes non stop.  I don't like anything I see.  The worst case scenario is cancer.  The best case scenario is it is related to my Rheumatoid Arthritis and another form of the disease is exposing itself to me.

The cancer part doesn't scare me for the reasons it should.  It scares me because it could mean chemo and radiation.  This could mean dying eggs and waiting to conceive for 2 years after treatment is over.  Could this situation be any worse???

Oh the wonders of the body.  Do they EVER cease?  

Let's play a game

It's called how many health issues can one person have.

Ready?  Go.

I have RA, Hypothyroid, Degenerative Disk Disease, Sciatica, Chronic Epstein Barr Virus, Infertility, oh and now a HUGE lump in a lymph node in my neck that just won't go away.

Do you ever feel like someone has a voodoo doll of you?

Four years ago I had an accident that caused me to herniate 4 discs in my back, break my tailbone, and cause arthritis in my back along with a wicked case of sciatica shooting from my butt to my toes in my right leg, sometimes my left too.

A year later I was diagnosed with hypothyroid.  It took a year to get it under control.  Every once in a while, it acts up and I have to have my dosage increased.

Two years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic EBV (chronic mono).  I had been having horrible tiredness and every bone in my body was hurting.  It was severe.  I don't know if the three are connected or not, but at the time I was also diagnosed with tendinitis in my shoulder and a severe vitamin D deficiency.

Last year I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Probably the most debilitating of these issues.  And the one with the most consequences.

Do you see the pattern here?  Every year I am diagnosed with something new.  Can we please just skip a year?  How about you silly doctors diagnose me with PREGNANCY???

Despite all of these medical issues, it is still safe for me to get pregnant.  Can you believe that?  But a diagnosis of something lymphatic might stall that.  Or worse, even dash any dreams I had of being pregnant again.

I go for a biopsy this week.  I'll keep you informed of the results.  I have a follow up appointment with my Endo for it in two weeks.  Wish me luck.

A Cyst Warning

Don't look up Ovarian Cyst on Google Images.  (Don't click the link unless you want to throw up, pass out, lightheaded, pick one.)  I almost wish the internet blackout had included Google.

On a lighter and nicer search, Some news here about the cyst I have.  It is a Corpus Luteum (functional) cyst.

Amazing how taking Clomid most likely contributed to this.  Nothing to do but sit it out.

Scratch that

Went to my appointment with the RE today.  Good news?  9 follies on the left side.  Bad news?  Very large cyst on the right side.  3cm.

Cancelled.  Cancelled before we even got started.

There will be no tries this month.  The cyst is not only too large, but if we were to continue with treatment this month, it could get larger.  Doctor is afraid it could take my ovary with it.

He is optimistic that it will go away on its own and we can do this all over again next month.

WTF.  Can't anything go right?  I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  I had a surprising amount of pain the last week that I chalked up to the procedure.  Now that the doctor has described everything to me, the twinges of pain I felt over the last week have been the cyst.  Ugh.

This page might be quiet for the next few weeks.  Then again, I might think of some content.  I don't know yet.

*Edited for bad grammar and stuff*

Cycle Day 2; Cycle 2

Well, it's official, a little late, but official.  Aunt Flo came to visit yesterday.  So I have to give the RE a call today and get this cycle started.  Fingers crossed for this one folks.

Cycle Day 35.5

Why the .5 you say?  Because I think I am getting my period!  Woo Hoo!  Never thought I would be so happy to see it again.  Once it is really here, we start a new cycle all over again.  But I tend to spot for a couple of days before getting what a professional would call a period so my cycle doesn't actually start until then.

The hubby and I discussed being supportive of each other yesterday.  He turned into Super Supportive Hubby and brought me home some gifts!  One of those gifts was a little Eeyore teddy bear.  I use to be collect Eeyores.  People would buy them for me all the time and the collection got out of control.  So I stopped collecting and they reside in a box in the garage.  But I think I will hold onto this one to give to our child when we are blessed with one.

Cycle Day 35

Big.Fat.Negative.  BFN.  Negative.  Opposite of positive.

That's it folks, this cycle didn't work.  I was really hoping to be one of those couples that pregnant on the first try.  But I guess I don't deserve that happiness or something.

My husband must be okay with it because when I told him this morning, he didn't say a word.  Nothing.  Silence.  As if I hadn't said anything at all.  Whatever.

I just don't want to deal with people today.  I didn't tell ANYONE about my negative on Sunday.  I didn't want to hear their sentiments.  I didn't want the disappointment to be real.  I guess there is no avoiding it today.

I just don't want to hear another "Oh, I'm sorry that you feel sad.  Why aren't you just happy that you already have a child?  Most people in your situation don't have that."  This coming from a good friend that I work with. I understand that she was trying to be supportive, but may I suggest she quit it?

You have no idea how it feels, people, to want to experience the joys of pregnancy, childbirth, and raising a child with someone you love.  When I got pregnant with my son at 19, I had to hide from the father for fear he would murder me.  I had to do it alone (although my mom was very supportive).  I didn't have someone that was all excited and rubbing my belly and putting their mouth up to my tummy to talk to our child.  I didn't have someone that could help at night with a feeding so I could sleep.  I didn't have someone that could play the bad guy every now and then when my son did wrong.  I didn't have that extra person to help bring in extra money.

Yes, it was my choice to have my son on my own.  One that I will never regret.  But one I learned from.  I learned that I wanted those things.  And because I learned those things, I learned that I had to wait to have more children until I found someone that could give me those things and love.  And I waited.  And when he finally came along when my son was 6, neither of us were ready for marriage and a baby and it took us a few years.  So now I am feeling the crunch.

I never wanted to be an only child.  I have felt so bad over the past few years that my son doesn't have a sibling.  It was the one thing I had promised myself from the time I was a little girl, that my children would never be that lonely.  A parent can only fill that void so much.  My son desperately wants a brother, but he'll take a sister if he has to.

I don't want to keep on whining about it anymore.  Time to move on and start the next cycle.  Hey!  The good news is that I can stop the progesterone suppositories.

This sucks.