Limbo

I kinda feel in limbo these days.  Trying to recover and trying to figure out when to start trying again.  A part of me feels like we didn't get pregnant last time for a reason.  If I had been pregnant during this whole lymph node situation, what would have happened?  But now that it is over *fingers crossed*, we will have to pay off those medical bills before moving onto trying to conceive again.  It kinda works out okay.  We didn't want another December baby in the family so not getting pregnant this month or the next isn't the end of the world, but it feels like wasted time.

Of course, with our luck, this would be the month we got pregnant on our own, you know, us who were told we have less than a 3% chance of getting pregnant on our own???  But I would be ecstatic and I know my husband would be too.

Let's play a game

It's called how many health issues can one person have.

Ready?  Go.

I have RA, Hypothyroid, Degenerative Disk Disease, Sciatica, Chronic Epstein Barr Virus, Infertility, oh and now a HUGE lump in a lymph node in my neck that just won't go away.

Do you ever feel like someone has a voodoo doll of you?

Four years ago I had an accident that caused me to herniate 4 discs in my back, break my tailbone, and cause arthritis in my back along with a wicked case of sciatica shooting from my butt to my toes in my right leg, sometimes my left too.

A year later I was diagnosed with hypothyroid.  It took a year to get it under control.  Every once in a while, it acts up and I have to have my dosage increased.

Two years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic EBV (chronic mono).  I had been having horrible tiredness and every bone in my body was hurting.  It was severe.  I don't know if the three are connected or not, but at the time I was also diagnosed with tendinitis in my shoulder and a severe vitamin D deficiency.

Last year I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Probably the most debilitating of these issues.  And the one with the most consequences.

Do you see the pattern here?  Every year I am diagnosed with something new.  Can we please just skip a year?  How about you silly doctors diagnose me with PREGNANCY???

Despite all of these medical issues, it is still safe for me to get pregnant.  Can you believe that?  But a diagnosis of something lymphatic might stall that.  Or worse, even dash any dreams I had of being pregnant again.

I go for a biopsy this week.  I'll keep you informed of the results.  I have a follow up appointment with my Endo for it in two weeks.  Wish me luck.

Scratch that

Went to my appointment with the RE today.  Good news?  9 follies on the left side.  Bad news?  Very large cyst on the right side.  3cm.

Cancelled.  Cancelled before we even got started.

There will be no tries this month.  The cyst is not only too large, but if we were to continue with treatment this month, it could get larger.  Doctor is afraid it could take my ovary with it.

He is optimistic that it will go away on its own and we can do this all over again next month.

WTF.  Can't anything go right?  I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  I had a surprising amount of pain the last week that I chalked up to the procedure.  Now that the doctor has described everything to me, the twinges of pain I felt over the last week have been the cyst.  Ugh.

This page might be quiet for the next few weeks.  Then again, I might think of some content.  I don't know yet.

*Edited for bad grammar and stuff*

Newbie

I am fairly certain any woman in the waiting room at the clinic yesterday that was not on her first cycle HATED me.

I was all smiles, cheery, silly, giddy, stupid.  I couldn't help it.  I was so excited to be beginning the process of getting us a baby.  I greeted the doctor like he was the president- an over excited handshake and "glad to meet you" (we had previously met with his colleague) while my feet were in stirrups and a barely there paper sheet covered my nether regions.

I know I would have hated me if I was on cycle 12.  Hell, I would have hated me if I was on cycle 2.

Cycle one

And hopefully the last until baby two!

Yes, we will go through this twice.  Unless of course we get multiples out of this, then we are done.  Button down the hatches, sew up my hole, snip his nuts off, DONE.

Yesterday was our first real appointment.  Who knew these clinics were open at 8 something on a Sunday morning.  And who knew it was a requirement to bring an iPad?  We were the only couple without one.  So we both whipped out our trusty older model iPhones so we could be the cool kids too.

If you have never gone through infertility treatment, let me explain to you what our process leading up to IUI is with our clinic.

Starting cycle day 3, for the first time only, I go in for an ultrasound of my uterus and ovaries to verify everything is there and in working order.  Doctor said that my uterus looks great.  My ovaries are great, 7 eggs in one which is a normal number and 9 in the other which is a fantastic number.  Then they drew blood for a Clomid Challenge Test looking at my FSH and Estradiol.  And we are on doctors orders to have sex, sex, sex. Happy Hubby.  Ugh.

Cycle day 5, I start 100mg Clomid.

Cycle day 6, I take 100mg Clomid, quit Metformin (which in my case is being used for several purposes, one being infertility, but no, I do not have PCOS).

Cycle day 7, I take 100mg Clomid.

Cycle day 8, I take 100mg Clomid and get an HSG.  Take pregnancy test before procedure and bring stick in to prove we didn't get lucky and don't have to spend lots of money.

Cycle day 9, I take 100mg Clomid.

Cycle day 10, Stop Clomid, start Metformin, FSH lab test (another 830AM test half an hour away on a Sunday???), NO MORE INTERCOURSE!!!  Ever!  Well, that's how my husband feels about it.  I'll be happy for the hiatus.

Cycle day 11, Nothing.

Cycle day 12, Ultrasound to verify egg(s) matured and popped out (as I understand it).

Cycle day 13, Nothing

Cycle day 14, Party in my Uterus!  Get HCG shot, Hubby provides sample, doctor shoots sample up there.  We get pregnant and live happily ever after, well after we do all this one more time for a second baby.

Cycle day something or another we go for pregnancy blood test.  It's going to be positive of course because I am an optimistic fool.

Introduction

So this post is the start of something different.  This will either turn out to be a journal of infertility or a journal of our new baby.  *I didn't want this blog attached to our normal blog for privacy reasons.  Yet.*

Let me explain.  I have a preteen son from a previous relationship and hubby has children, 11 & 7 from a previous relationship.  I have always known I wanted more kids, just wanted to wait until the time was right.  We have been together since June 2006, met in March of 2006.  Spare you the details.  For nearly the last 3 years, we have had unprotected sex (with a break for birth control so I could move my period for the wedding and honeymoon and in the hopes of getting a little more regular) and never gotten pregnant.  When we got married, we really started trying.  REALLY.

Still no baby.  I have several health problems (RA, hypothyroid, and a few others) and so we didn't want to waste any more time if it wasn't going to work.  The decision was made pretty quick to find out if something was wrong.

First we saw my OBGYN and she ran some basic blood work and sent my hubby for semen analysis.  Blood work came back fine.  Semen analysis, not so much.  Low motility, low volume, low concentration, low morphology, low hopes.  The test was run again a couple of months later after some ah hem, lifestyle changes (no more laptop in the lap, no riding a motorcycle, no jerking off every five minutes).  Same results.  So my Dr referred us to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) at a fertility clinic in town.

So far, we really like this clinic.  They wasted no time in trying to help us achieve pregnancy.  The doctor said we could start next month (December).

Well, that's our background.