The Journey Restarts

Well, after a hectic year of horrible health, we are back on track to trying for a baby!

This time we aren't fooling around!  We are going straight into IVF with ICSI.  (Enjoy this lovely video!)

So for now, I am on birth control.  I end that on the 19th.  I begin Lupron on the 16th.

I just got off of the phone with the specialty pharmacy and was told that all 1,001 of the medications called in will need an authorization.  Joy.  Okay, so maybe not 1,001, but it sure as heck feels like it.  I honestly tuned out after the fifth medication was listed.

So why all the rush after months, almost a year, of doing nothing.  Well, health conditions delayed our process so we were planning to begin again in October.  But then, in September, it became known that the company I work for is being sold.  The close date is in December.  That means loss of fertility benefits on the first of the year.  Unless I should be so fortunate as to find another job with fertility benefits.  Or even a job without would be nice.  Just need a job.

For those of you that are thinking, why get pregnant if you don't have insurance or a job?  Well, we can get crappy insurance through my husband's work.  And this is really our last chance at getting pregnant.  Lots of other families do it on one income, so I think we can too if we absolutely have to.

I will soon go into a post about the process of getting the fertility office to get on the ball with this procedure. Let's just say I spent Halloween in tears.

Wish us luck, we need it.

Still Here

I am still here.  Just been busy and without much to talk about.  We had a death in the family last week and that has kept me distracted.

The neck is healing well.  It's been dry feeling and scabbing so the wound itself is itchy.  Still no word on the additional pathology.  I 'm not worried about it and feel it can wait until my April follow up appointment.

The baby front is slow moving of course.  As you know, we aren't trying too hard right now.  May will be the big month for us.  Maybe by then all of these medical bills will be gone.  Anyway, I am expecting AF to appear any moment now and if she doesn't then I'm going to start getting excited that maybe, just maybe we did it on our own.  We shall see. I'll keep you posted.

Limbo

I kinda feel in limbo these days.  Trying to recover and trying to figure out when to start trying again.  A part of me feels like we didn't get pregnant last time for a reason.  If I had been pregnant during this whole lymph node situation, what would have happened?  But now that it is over *fingers crossed*, we will have to pay off those medical bills before moving onto trying to conceive again.  It kinda works out okay.  We didn't want another December baby in the family so not getting pregnant this month or the next isn't the end of the world, but it feels like wasted time.

Of course, with our luck, this would be the month we got pregnant on our own, you know, us who were told we have less than a 3% chance of getting pregnant on our own???  But I would be ecstatic and I know my husband would be too.

Updated stats!

If you're interested in taking a look at our history it's here.

I'm back!

The surgery was okay.  There were some complications.  When they got in there, they realized the node was dead and had plastered itself all over.  No wonder I had experienced so much pain.  It was plastered to my veins, artery, muscle, and nerves.  They didn't feel it was worth the risk of permanent damage to remove it from areas like my artery and nerves so they left some behind.  However, they said that since it is dead, it should just fall off naturally over time.  The body will take care of itself.

It wasn't a hard recovery.  I was tired a lot and took little pain medicine.  I had to sleep sitting up which is super uncomfortable with my bad back.  My family helped a lot especially with applying copious amounts of goo to my wound.  This bacitracin application has to be done for 3 weeks, then we move onto massaging vitamin E oil into it.  Ugh.  The most difficult part of recovery?  Stupid AuntFlow decided to pay me a strong visit the morning before surgery and she stuck around a lot longer then normal.  Bitch.  Doesn't she know what's up?

The only postoperative complication I have had is numbness and painful tingling on and under my chin up through my jaw to my ear.  It's a nuisance really.  Not terribly painful, but always there and it just doesn't feel right.  They almost kept me overnight for neurology, but I really wanted to just get home.  The doctors all said they think it was from intubation and not a result of the actual surgery.  I was informed that the feeling could take weeks to go away!  It has in some areas, but still there in others.

So they sent the sample off for evaluation.  The first results have already come back.  No lymphoma, no cancer.  No we're just waiting to find out what kind of infection it was that took hold.  They also want to know if the lymph node died and was then infected or if the lymph node died because it was infected.

The scar, although 3 1/2" in length, is beautiful.  You barely notice it.  The pleasures of having a plastic surgeon ENT.  He used disposable internal stitches so it looks and healed great.  I keep getting compliments on it as if I had done the work myself.  The drain he put in and had to remove the next day because it wasn't working well left a small hole that closed up well as well.

Overall, I am feeling pretty good.  Took two weeks to be able to build up my strength and stamina to return to work.  I'm going to miss my naps!

Thanks for all your well wishes!

As for the baby making.  We will be trying naturally for a few months.  We didn't really want another Christmas baby so we are not going to pay for treatments on something we aren't feeling as strongly about.  If it happens for us naturally during this time, then it was meant to be.  If not, we will go back to the fertility doc in May.  That seems like forever.  

Surgery Tomorrow

Thank God this will be over tomorrow.  Yeah, there will be recovery, but I am just so over this Lumph!  I keep thinking that maybe God didn't let us get pregnant because this was going to happen.  So we should be good to have a baby after this is over.

This weekend has been crazy.  Family is visiting from all over.  My son broke his arm Friday after school (first broken bone, 1000th ER visit).  While babysitting our nephew, he woke up crying in horrible pain so we took him to the ER Saturday morning. Turns out he has a distended bladder.  Oh Sweet Jesus!  What is next?!?!?!?

Nothing.  Peace and quiet is next.  Please?

Oh, did I forget to mention that I am having surgery tomorrow and of course, I get my period late yesterday.  It's a week late.  Last week I kept saying to myself, either I'll get really lucky and it won't come until after the surgery or Mother Nature will play a cruel joke on me and it will come head on right before surgery.  If ever there is uncertainty, just pick the worst case scenario.

Upcoming Neck Dissection Surgery

A little bit about the surgery I am having.  This one is for those weak stomachs out there that don't want to see any surgery!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPwF1cGWjJQ

And for those that can handle it (this isn't the exact same surgery, but the same procedure)...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji8t5QKMOoA&feature=related

This one is more related.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3Zj1pHJ2Ck&feature=endscreen&NR=1

I am starting to get nervous.  I have had surgery before, but minor stuff like tonsils and gallbladder.  Eeek!  Surgery is next Wednesday.  I am starting to have weird nightmares.  I am not normally so scardey cat.  It might be awhile before I am back on here to update you depending on how I feel.  Wish me luck!

Oh, and the Lymph Node Lump has a new name created by my son.. Lumph